I am not looking so much for advice as much as just some support. Nothing has really changed in my sitch, but I feel pretty bad this morning in particular. Perhaps it is because nothing is changing in my sitch. I am still in purgatory.
I have not detached. I am having a hard time ignoring my W's behavior. Every time she gets a text or goes out, I am thrown into a maelstrom of uncontrollable panic. Was it the OM? Is she with him? The PTSD hypervigilance is maddening. I recognize that I cannot control my W, her behavior, or the situation. I am just having trouble shaking off my old illusion that I was in control. I want to stop trying to control everything. I really do, I am just struggling with implementing it because my W and I are in the same household and sleeping in adjacent beds.
Although I live in a no-fault state, my sister advised hiring an investigator in case I need proof of infidelity during the mediation process. I found out this morning that OM was in my house this past weekend as I was out of town with the kids. I know this doesn't change anything because I knew it was going on all along, but I am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that her behavior precludes our ever being together again.
