wife during deployment EA/PA another service membe

[Train]

Yeah, I remember well the occasional "sightings" of H and OW that my friends would tell me about. I've often wondered what in the world they think that they are "helping" by running straight to a wounded spouse to tell them that they saw their spouse with their affair partner. I HAVE to believe the friends are well-meaning, because some of my dearest friends were the guiltiest of all; I just can't figure out WHAT they mean by it. Or why they would even think it's a good idea.

As much as your curiosity is going to make you wonder what your W is up to, each time you see it with your own eyes (snooping) or hear it from others, it's going to set you back to Square One when it comes to detaching.

This is one case when ignorance truly is bliss ... and curiosity really does kill the cat.

Take mental notes about what you were doing when you felt better at certain moments ... and then what's causing you to "sink and spin." Keep a journal, if you need to. Over time, you'll be able to link what you're doing that helps you feel more in control ... and what's happening when you feel OUT of control. And that can help you to really stay focused on doing the things that are WORKING for you.

Tell your friends, as soon as you think they're about to say something about W, that you'd rather not hear it. There are many ways to say this. Find one that feels authentic to you. But take steps to tell your friends that it only hurts you to hear about W's shenanigans with OM.

And, Rysin, I'm just going to put it out there again: Force yourself to GAL. It will help. VOLUMES.

Big hugs today; I know the "low" days are so, so tough to get through.