Gogofo - LRT letter - planning a new beginning

[gogofo]

Had a good evening with my boys last night. Went out to eat, talked with my parents about me getting a new house, had smoothies and then watched a movie together and cuddled on the couch. Being a dad is great.

Got up today and did a quick grocery run while the W was still at her friend's house after last night's cocktail party. While at the grocery store she called and asked what I was up to. She was getting a coffee and I asked if she needed anything, so I brought us some lunch home.

I spent the afternoon at the house with the W hanging pictures up for her; stuff we had decorated out old house with. Light and friendly interactions. We both were wore out from moving and having late nights all week.

The W then took the kids and went to her parents house to stay the night and watch the football game, they live about 45 minutes away. I went over to a friend's house and watched the game.

When around the house I wasn't following her around. I wasn't vying for her attention. When she left I game the kids hugs and kisses. The W was in the other room and I just said "have fun and drive safe" while I had my head turned in the corner hanging a last picture.

I still am feeling good about my not trying to grab and inch from a mile. Still trying to work on not having expectations, but I did not expect anything in return for hanging the pictures. To me it is something that the person I want to be would do and it is who I am.

So I have noticed something kind of odd about my W lately. She has not seemed to be interested in groceries or food or dinners. This is pretty unusual as she usually has some sort of dinners or food planned for the week. Don't know if this is coincidental with the start of her work picking up or because she said she is done; but it is different.

When I was hanging pictures for her today I noticed some different looks from her. I get the impression that she is expecting me to start to treat her different or be angry or hateful towards her, etc. That is just not me, or a person I would like to be. I don't like operating out of anger, especially to ones I care about.

I was thinking about the fact that I am still treating her like she is my W with my actions towards us and the family (helping out around the house, shopping for groceries, etc). At time when I am upset by the situation I think "am I being a doormat?" or "she has to be cake eating" but this simply isn't true. She is not controlling my actions or feelings, it is all what I am doing.

So do I like what I am doing with my actions towards her? Yes I do. After thinking about the whole thing I decided that I am going to go out being who I am and trying to be the best at who I am. I am going to go out with dignity and respect, this is what I feel a man who loves and cares about someone would do.

Her feelings cannot control my feelings. I am still in love with her, but I will take myself and move on. I have my own house that I will move into in a month. If she feels that a D is her only option, I respect her enough to let her go. I will be sad, but I will be moving on (and hopefully not looking over my shoulder).

I feel this is a good strong attitude to have. I welcome any and all opinions about this.