How To Be A Man Only A Fool Would Leave

[HPoirot]

Hello Sandi. First, thank you so much again for sticking with me. I value your experience very much and keep it in mind every time I interact with W.

You are very kind to say you will say something I do not want to hear. Thing is, I know exactly what you are saying about my W. She is an adulteress and a liar and I know this. I am not offended by your saying the truth.

Thing is... what you say is part what I am working to reconcile...

The fact as 25 and others have said that W has not been completely happy in our M and now sees hope that her life can change so she is acting the way she is towards me. The fact that I have always wanted our lives to change and now is the best chance we've ever had to see that happen. The fact that I bear my own responsibility in this and I have not given our M enough. The fact that I can have a much better life without her right now being the way she is with me right now. The fact that we, or me with someone else, could have an amazing life together when I get my life where I want it to be for myself.

I know I have to work to detach and really walk away from her.... really not allow her to feel like she can bully me or threaten me at any point. I thought I was doing that today but like you said went to far to one side and then felt bad and went all the way to the other side.

Even so, I have no fear now of enforcing boundaries. I want to get the balance right when I do to make enough chance to make space for an R. I am committed to this year to allow this to happen. I want to do it right.

My IC also suggested I just go and get a mediated or legal separation agreement. Make it very real for her. Everything she has threatened I was the one to actually do. She threatened a legal S and I understand I may have to do that though I don't want to pay for it.

Funny... in our texting today I missed this... she blamed her inability to keep S12 and do what she wanted to do during this "transition" on me making her "homeless." That again I'm the one making this hard and all the difficultly is my fault because I physically left her. That I was wrong b/c I left her b/c she was being an adulteress and a liar. She even said during our last R talk that, if I had given her the benefit of the doubt at the beginning, maybe all this would be different. How can I deal with someone who says this? She has an A and I find out and I made her homeless? I'm the one hurting S12? She keeps saying this.

That is the kind of thing she says when she is cornered. I want to be empathetic and stand as others have but I face her blaming me consistently while she says she owns destroying the trust between us. She asked me just today why I don't believe what she says. Really? Instead of threatening D... she threatens legal S. Yes I'm still on her roller coaster.

If I'm not empathetic towards W... If I'm only objective... then likely I don't want to give her a chance. I file for D getting the maximum for myself and S12 and I find an easy going, curvy, beach loving young woman from the Caribbean and a sweet life on the ocean with her and my boy.

But Sandi, I really believe in almost 20 years with my W. I want to really try. I want to be a man only a fool would leave. I recognize my deficiencies.

I admit I got a bottle of rum to enjoy for the Super Bowl so I'm not all here. I am reading your post over and over b/c I really want to get this right Sandi. My W is acting just like she described herself as a college girl. She's tired of being a boring W just like I am tired of being a boring H.

When she learns she cannot bully you, and she begins to respect you and gets her sh't together, THEN the M will stand a chance.

This is where I want to go. I have nothing to lose Sandi. I am very serious here.

I want to get this right. For myself. Finally.