Part 11 - contents may be different than

[edz]

Thanks toots

No worries with detatchment and being guarded. Absolutely the "thing" is in play I know about it but I dont know if it's absolutely something she's going to follow and its no easier to straddle discussing and keeping her privacy either! Arghh.

I felt strained this evening after they went I enjoyed our day the evening was also very nice but when she went I felt mixed feelings. Not as I would have been upset though. You're absolutely right in what you say its clear she doesn't want to lose our friendship and my help etc (all the non romance aspects) but I have to stick to the boundary. If we do go toward d and indeed do d. I dont pretend I'll immediately meet a new soul mate but I also have no intention of sitting alone to the end of my days. No threats, no ultimatums just the truth. W said this evening that I wouldn't be cutting them off in that case but she seemed confused that friendly coparenting wouldn't be the same. I didn't and won't go on about the details as I feel its beating her over the head with info and sounding confrontational.

She said ok and we moved on. Her BL and face said something entirely different. As you say I'm expecting a tune out couple of days with little contact except re s. "Thing" is a wild card I dont know how that will play out all I can do is know I dont have to engage, I can warmly validate and listen within my boundary and her comfort level in communication (eg not pursuing) additionally I have the same options w does we can only r if we both chose to and either of us can chose to simply move on. Were both committed to s me more so than in many years.

A little tired and emotionally weeary suppose just feeling a little unloved, I know thats not the case s alone has hugged me and told me he loves me all weekend but I still miss being in a loving relationship after 6 months.

I'm ok and feel I get better at this each time but wish w would open up a little more to me suppose its Mr f whispering in my ear!

Anyway.

Got a short list of gyms and w brought up another today as she thought the idea of s coming along was brilliant not to mention good for his health. So will be the next couple of days. Will come down to money as its very very tight (well non existent is closer). I'll do it anyway for my gal activities, PMA, health and also to get into a better shape not for w or dating (both are considerations but neither are pressing) but to feel better about me.

Glad your day was good as well toots, thanks for checking in on me