Hi HP, you are sounding so much stronger and better.
A few things I have noticed.
Your W is being a very disorganized and unreliable person, at least from the details of your stories. She changes the information every single time you communicate. This is unacceptable when you are taking care of your son.
As Wonka (and others) said, this needs to stop. The schedule needs to be set and she needs to stick to it unless there is an emergency. I know the housing situation is part of the reason this has not been set yet. But I wouldn't hold my breath for that to be cleared up soon. So she moves in on Feb 9, no wait, the 15th, no .. the 17th. Yeah sure. And then oops she doesn't have a bed for your son, or some other such excuse or problem. She is out of control.
The problem is that your son cannot suffer because of it, so you have to be flexible. But I think continuing to draw a hard line about her promises is a fair thing to do. So if she says "I'm moving Feb 9th" and then she says "I'm moving Feb 17th" call her out on it immediately. "I thought you said Feb 9th?" and do this each time. "I thought you said every weekend?" You don't have to be mean or rude, just firm.
However what I would NOT do is ask her stuff like where she is going or who with. Honestly that is not exactly your business. I mean, yeah she is having an A or As but getting involved in discussions or arguments about that sort of thing will not help you. Just hold her to her promises, be short and blunt and drop it.
"You said you would pay X, I expect you to do so." "You said you would have son on X date, I expect you to do so" "If you cannot do something don't say you will"
That's it. But don't ask questions about OM, her activities or anything.
I feel your pain and confusion in wondering if this is all bringing you closer to your W or just pushing her away. If you were just very very loving and kind would she crumble. But to be honest she sounds like a mess. A mess she needs to solve herself. She needs time and boundaries.
The bit about her calling the police because she didn't reach you all morning... this is just utterly ridiculous. If she was someone I knew and she did that to me... I would tell them to go get their head checked. Really? Someone doesn't answer the phone for a few hours and they must be in mortal danger. Oh the age of cell phones is truly annoying sometimes. Your wife is really irritating me, can you tell?
HP you are doing so well. Keep your chin up and stay strong.
