Help - Almost Walk away wife who seems stuck

[sandi2]

So I am lost. I can't quite 180, because she hasn't ACTUALLY pulled the trigger.

She hasn't pulled the trigger? The woman wants to leave you! What on earth are you waiting on? What do you mean you can quite 180? Do you understand the 180 concept?

Okay, short version of how I see you and your W, based on your own description. I see you as a controller over your W. I also see you as a hothead. She can't have a discussion with you about the existing problems b/c you over react when she says anything that sounds critical of you. You get mad (or as you said, offended) and instead of continuing the discussion, you storm out.

Let me tell you something. I used to be the same way.....except I didn't storm off. My grown son and my sister stopped having any discussions with me that I might take the wrong way. In fact, my son would start out by saying, "Don't take this the wrong way". But guess what? My H tried to tell me I was hypersensitive. Still, I would over react every time! You see, you don't have to be M to the person in order to ruin a relationship. Some people will avoid that type of reaction by avoiding any serious discussions......or avoiding the person. This is a 180 you need to make immediately.

That alone could cause a woman such as your W to feel emotionally unsafe. She can't express her emotions or thought b/c of how you react. It takes away her freedom and right to say what she wants or needs to say. You controll her by storming off when you don't like what's being said. She gives up and stops trying.......and you think it has worked itself out, or she's calmed down, etc. The truth is you have been digging the marital grave deeper, b/c she has built resentment toward you and can't release it.

I cannot imagine having a mother like hers, but I suppose she was trying to make her strong, IDK. I find it very sad she has never felt emotionally safe in either R. You can't do anything about the past, but you can start today in changing yourself. Not controlling her, what she does or says, but yourself.

It is not your job to punish her, and it's certainly not your place to guilt her about anything.......much less to stay in this M with you. I understand the concern for your child, however, the only reason a couple should stay together is out of their undying love for each other. You can try to control the outcome, but you cannot control her feelings.

Yes, I can see your W hugging herself when you were riding in the cab. It's symbolic of the wall she has around her, protecting herself from you. A woman wants an emotional connection with the man before the physical one. She does not feel the connection.

So, what is your plan? You need one, ya know. I suggest you get serious about some 180's on yourself and stop with the control issues.