Susana (2) - Learning to detach

[susana4]

Hi Susana - I think the problem with a boundary is - how do you enforce that one? If he goes off again to his parents without telling you, what are you going to do in response?

If you wanted to make a request, that doesn't seem unreasonable. But I wouldn't do it on the basis of - I'm on my own and I don't like it - I would choose another reason....Just want to know you're safe, so that I won't cook for you, or similar. Choose a valid reason that supports a vision of you as someone who has plans with our without him - but who just wants the courtesy of knowing (as a fellow house dweller) that he won't be around that weekend.

Thanks Toots. I originally tried to set a boundary (or so I thought) but instead stated it more as something I was upset about, when he told me (I said something like "I feel upset when you tell me your plans last minute") and someone on my last thread had recommended that wording, but I see what you mean. It doesn't support the whole I am doing my own thing. And tbh I'm not annoyed so much because I'll be on my own when i don't want to, but just because I find it really rude. But I suppose it's not my place to say that so I didn't! I wasn't really sure if it was something I could set a boundary on...like I said I wasn't sure what the "if you do I will XXX" should be because I honestly couldn't think of anything.