Just realised wife of 12 years is having a MLC

[Sotto]

Hi Sad. From your end, you may want to keep it quite simple.

I think there are a few key points to consider making here:

If your W doesn't want to live together any more, she can leave. You don't intend leaving.

You know she is having an A. There are some examples on this forum - people putting their hand up and saying ' please stop lying to me. I know you are having an A and disrespecting our M.' But without divulging all that you know and how you found out. Have a look at Starsky's advice in this area.

You aren't prepared to live in an open marriage. Save me flicking back, are you guys swingers? Presumably, there's some kind of understanding/agreement in more liberal marriages like yours - of boundaries that would not be crossed.

I think if you manage to quietly and firmly make these points, without getting drawn into a big argument, the convo will have gone pretty well. If you've made these points, and your W just wants to keep on going, you may just want to calmly let her know that you have said all you want say at this point in time, and excuse yourself.

Expect some blame to come your way and hear it, but try not to react. Try and stay calm, strong and centred throughout. Also, know that there is unlikely to be any giving up of AP at this point in time. Your W may also talk in absolute negatives - I hate you. I never loved you etc.

Others may chime in too. But if you find a post that Starsky has posted on, click on his name in the top left hand corner, and choose view posts, you can have a look at his previous advice to others.

Best of luck.