I totally agree with you. My head is in the right place here and I think I am taking the steps to deal with all this mess.
But yes, my heart still bleeds. However, I have been exploring what is really hurting. I am trying to be honest with myself and I find that I do not miss the marriage I had lately.
I feel the pain of rejection, I hate the fact that he replaced me so easy. That H did not want to invest in our R, that he always refused to go to MC and try to make things better between us and just jump on the next R.
I feel the pain that my H was for the last two weeks, in the same place as we all live with the OW. Hoping into different hotels. Sleeping with her, kissing, hugging, making love. Having a glorious honeymoon. Even spending money that he does not have to spend.
This is the part that is still hurting. This is what I need to be careful does not became "Hate". I do not want to hate him, but I know myself, I know I have these kind of self defense mechanisms, I am even working with my IC regarding this.
I think that if I let go on my jealousy, that I will be in a better place, and maybe that is the last peace of the puzzle for me to detach from him totally.
And you are right again. I am not perfect in any meaning, there is lots to work on myself to make me a better person. But I was very good to him, I helped him to be better. I helped him a lot with his career. I work hard, I am very responsible and it all made his life easier.
All what I can say is "Good luck H, you probably deserve to be with your next big love, someone that is cheating on her H just like you cheating on your W"
Maybe they deserve each other, and it's time I realize that I deserve a better person too. There are good people in this world, they are not dirty, and they can respect other people's feelings. Who knows, when one door closes, another one will open. Who knows, I just need to keep going, respecting who I am and my values.
I know sooner then later I will detach from this Jerk for good. He went too far.
