I agree with the ladies here. You did what fit for the moment, and it was not a big scene, she open up this side of feelings and you were just honest.
Not bad if you think about what she has been crying about. But I also would ask you to be very careful, in my sitch you read a lot of stories from when my H was doing exactly the same. Coming and crying and saying how bad life was and how he felt so bad about what he was doing.
Now I can see that he was caring a enormous amount of guilty and want some validation from me to justify his actions against me. I did allow myself to go into the roller coaster and it was not pretty. I do not regret though since it was my hope that H would get some sense and maybe try to work on our M. But in my story, it was just for him to feel better about himself.
So, just be careful. I know somehow it hurts more now because I feel a complete idiot. I allowed H to play with my feelings and it did not help.
I also see that it got worse with my kids. They lost respect for their father. They think he is a Jerk because he played with me and with them too. They say that it's better if their father will just move on and do not turn back. They actually do not want their father back into their lives.
I see your kids are doing things with you. They see a father that is there for them, taking all the responsibility. Your kids are not very young anymore and they have their own opinion. Your W is loosing their respect and soon enough will lose their love. And this also makes it hard on us to decide on keeping DBing and wanting this person back into our lives or we protect our kids and don't want anymore hurts.
If they could just snap out of their craziness, but unfortunately they want it all, the family and their crazy life.
RD, don't punch yourself too hard. You are a human being and what you did and said are perfectly normal if she is approaching you this way. She wants comfort, and it is very hard to understand if it is a sign she is thinking and trying to reach you so she can came back or it is just a lot of guilt and she wants to feel better about the whole mess.
Now, I would insist that there would be better to have some kind of boundary, she comes and goes, cry, say dubious things and yet she does not want to recommit to the M. Why not, why she does not go to MC with you? Why she can't try it slow and give her family a chance if she loves them so much?
I know it is easier to say all this to you, but it's only you that will take any decision regard your situation and that makes it all harder to you. But you know I did the same thing, I allowed my H to be close to me and my boys and he made a huge mess confusing everyone.
I never really understood what boundaries are all about. I even bought some books on the subject. It is not too bad, it can be done very politely. But it will make you feel better and feel you respect yourself and protect your children too.
Hope you and the kids have a better day today. Take care RD, a big hug and kiss. XOXO Pink
