Amy, What you are experiencing is very normal when dealing w/mlc. You will have highs and lows quite often at first and as you travel your own path, they will slowly become few and far between, but they will also be shorter in length. Each time you have a low, you will come back stronger than before. Feel the pain, allow it to wash over you and then release it.
Try to think of one positive thing to smile about each day. Keep warm thoughts of something fun that you've done in your head. Pull that memory out when you start to feel sad. It really does help to have some of those "happy" memories to reflect on.
You are grieving for the old marriage. It has died and you've had no closure. It's difficult accept that the old marriage is dead because you still look at your h and see the "old" h there. He's not the same man and won't be ever again. If he survives the crisis, he should be a more settled, mature man that accepts his responsibilities and truly wants to be your partner in every way.
You are still very new at this game, so be kind to yourself. You have to remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint and it takes a while to learn the true art of detachment. If it helps you, think of your h as a robot or the paper boy. I thought of my xh as either dead and a zombie had returned or he was visiting Mars and came back as a Pod Person. If it helps to you think of him as a business partner who has broken the terms of the contract, then by all means use that analogy to help you.
Keep focusing on you and your children. It's okay if you don't feel like doing anything when you are feeling down. It's normal. You will get to the other side a step at a time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
