Hi ganb8te! I haven't chimed in for a while but I have been reading along with the animal stories.
I have to echo what Toots says. I would not go with an email. If anything I would call and let them tell me something or bring it up if they want to. I honestly don't think much good can come out of it.
I know you'd like more information, feedback, hints. But honestly, if you really want to know the truth you should just ask H. And we all know that is a no-no. But at least it is straightforward and honest. But you'd have to decide first if that is what you REALLY want. And if it serves a purpose.
In other words, let's say you find out (whatever way) that he has OW or that he really wants a divorce. Maybe that will help you to move on. Maybe you will feel upset, angry, relieved. But after that you may still have the exact same feelings of confusion, hurt etc that you feel now.
If you are ready to move on and get divorced, you are truly detached, and you just want to know what he is thinking too then I say go for it and ask whomever you want whatever you want. But I think that is not where you are yet.
So in this case I would not ask them for information. And it puts them in an odd place as you said. I would feel very very weird getting an email like that from a friend. I would not want to hurt their feelings if I did know something bad. When I talk to mutual friends of mine/H I never ask them anything. They sometimes offer information but it is never good. More like "he seems like he is really lost, sad, stupid, crazy, different..." etc. Doesn't really help me at all.
I know this waiting is SO HORRID. I am in the same boat. I have no idea what my H is thinking or doing. He doesn't really talk to me lately, I don't hear from him for weeks or months now. And when I do it is just small talk. In a way I want to know what is going on in his head but as Toots says it probably isn't anything good like he wants to reunite. Better to let the sleeping dog lie for now.
Did you have a listen to the This American Life episode that Mozza mentioned on his thread? The couple went 1.5 years before communicating. It kind of makes you realize that this can be quite the long and lonely road.
