Susana (2) - Learning to detach

[susana4]

Complex, I think this is why they tell us not to try to mindread or speculate...we could just go on and on forever trying to figure out what is going on inside their heads or their justifications for why they leave.

Having a rough day so far, mainly I'm questioning myself though. How could I not see this coming? Was I that blind and foolish? It just felt to me like the BD came out of nowhere. I was SO happy. Like, ridiculously happy. I used to tell everyone how great a relationship we had! I honestly thought we had a near perfect M. And I thought H was happy too, he never complained about anything, he never said he was unhappy, he never looked unhappy! He constantly told me how happy and lucky he was. We did so many things together, we were trying out new things all the time and going on little adventures (so there was always excitement), we had a great sex life, we held hands all the time (every morning and evening when we walked to work together, we'd hold hands the entire way - a 40 minute walk), we were always saying ILY and telling each other how lucky we were to be together.

I just can't understand how my perceptions were THAT off.

It makes me doubt my own sense of reality.

But I am sick of feeling sad and alone. I want to come out of this fighting.

I want to feel like me again.

Squiggy, you asked what are the things about that person (prior to M) you enjoyed? I was independent, passionate, funny and kind. I think in my M I became more of all of those things, except for independent. So I need to reclaim that now.

There's always hope tho. Some will realize faster some slower, biggest question is, will they see in you what they once did and see in you the amazing person that you've become and fall back in love with you and respect you more than ever!?

I absolutely think so, it's a question of when, but if they fell in love once I definitely think they can fall in love with you again.