Ganb8te 4 - Putting on my giraffe ears

[Sotto]

Hi Gan - IMHO, I wouldn't go there. You know it violates one of the rules already, and that it's pursuit. You may be best avoiding it and probing a bit deeper. Why do i need something more to keep me going? ....ie: what do I need to focus on in order that I'm not looking for something more to keep me going?

If you feel you must do something, I would make it a phone call to your friend. Not for the purposes of asking about H, but to catch up with a good friend. During the convo, you could ask - Hey, did H catch up with you when he was over? How's he getting along? And see what that yields....but no more IMO.

We also have a mutual friend who is pro our marriage and has kept in touch with us both. She is well-meaning, has also been pretty unhappy with H and has told me things about what is going on. I'm seeing her in a couple of weeks, and I partly dread it because I know she may have information I may not want to hear. And part of me wants to say 'lets just keep H off the agenda, ok?'

What might your email achieve? You may learn more about where H is at. It may be hopeful and it may be painful. My experience of it so far has been more pain than hope. Is hope useful at this stage? Yes, I think in respect of your life being great going forwards whichever way. In respect of your H in the short term? Maybe not.

I also get a sense of you 'living and hoping' between meet up milestones. We last met in X and we are due to meet in Feb. And now you're doing a temp check and starting to work towards that meet up. What if you let go of that completely, came up with a great GAL plan for Feb, and leave your H to contact you if he's still in the mood to meet up? Did you prompt the last meet up? Might it be a 180?

Maybe you could focus on making your life even better, and not worry about what he may be up to. We all know how these sitches go, and if you're H is having a change of heart, you'll hear from him to be sure.