We are still married. W has told various friends that we are getting Ded, but nothing has happened since. I've asked the same friends to not spread this, saying that this is not definitive.
W's dance teacher and I had a talk about sitch. He invited us over one evening, and basically said to W what a good H I was, and what a nice family we have. I think the message got across, so I requested that he stop, and he has since.
W spends the week in the small Stockholm apartment with d16 (much less commuting time to school for d16). I come in Wednesday nights to have dinner with d16. It is hard to be away from here and think that this time is lost forever.
W has been agreeable enough in communications, though these are few. I have the impression that perhaps a New Year's resolution is active on this front.
I made enchiladas and gruyere muffins (she loves Gruyere) for W before I left for the US. When she dropped me off at the train station, we didn't embrace, but I made sure to wave as she drove off, and she waved back, a small heartwarmer.
She spent the weekend before that alone in Stockholm. I have lots of time alone in our 'real' house, but basically just work and sleep (alone) there.
I had an infatuation for a week a while ago, but that has worn off. One of our members here has kept me on the straight regarding dating, pointing out that I am still married, and that it would be more honorable and fair, for all, to be clean about all of this.
I feel lonely. Told d16 I miss her, and felt very sentimental after getting some of pictures of our son at age 1, now 20 years ago. How time slips away - .
Trying to live life well, but still not up to it sometimes, and retreat to my office (where I am now), spending all day here. I helped out at an EE workshop, and got to join an EE group after, which has been very good. Perhaps it is possible to love a group of people too -
Looking for quality and depth and openness in relationships - even with people I do not have an R with (in the usual sense) - even with one of my male work colleagues, whose dad I could be, but who is on this same path, looking for a good, real, connected, R to a woman.
