Bright, You spent 17 years w/this man and if the marriage had been a bad one, the both of you would have known it a long time ago and divorced. You have to understand that if he is in crisis, it's not about you or the marriage. It's about HIM and right now he's only thinking of himself.
I think the reason that everything is staying on an even keep w/you and the things that you do for him is because you haven't rocked his boat/rattled his cage. You haven't put any pressure on him for answers and you definitely haven't made any demands of him. He's just gone off into the sunset to do his job and do whatever he wants w/o worrying about you spying on him or wanting anything from him.
Bright, had you pursued him, demanded things from him and put pressure on him about the marriage, etc., I think things would have gone down entirely different. You've pretty remained stable and quiet and he feels safe in asking you to do things for him.
I'm no expert, but I I would venture to say that this situation will remain status quo unless you start to change things up and he has to start figuring things out for himself.
I see more and more shifting w/you. You aren't reacting to his emails/texts like you use to. You are detaching a bit more and aren't over analyzing his every word or move. I think the job has helped you a lot because it keeps you busy and meeting new people has been wonderful for you. You are starting to come alive once again and as you continue to mingle w/your new friends, you'll find that your h's postcards from Mars will only be a blip on the radar screen.
Bright, things will get better...give yourself some time and don't be so hard on yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
