train, 25yrs, others who kept up on my sitch

[Jefe]

Twin, I haven't read up or been following along enough to completely understand your current situation, so I may be talking out of turn. But here goes:

Things H does
..brings me coffee even when I don't ask for it
..takes care of the kids and lets me sleep in
..tells me to go take a hot bath/run errands on my own and he will put the kids to bed
..starts my car if I am taking the boys to school
..does laundry, sweeps, loads dishwasher, irons
..gives me a kiss goodbye every morning
..rubs my back BUT only when asked, NEVER does he initiate touching me anytime other than the goodbye kiss

^^^ Positively re-enforce all of this, and quickly. Don't add any "but"s or caveats or tag the end of a positive with a negative add-on. When he does something you like or makes you feel loved, respond in kind quickly.

Things that are different than before (his attempts at trying?????????)
..calls me/texts me when he is going to be even a few minutes late
..tells me about meetings, where and when
..talks to me about his day, who he works with and what is going on at work.

Good stuff here. This is not an attempt, this is getting it done. From a man's perspective this is pretty important.
I presume he's doing this w/o being asked to do so?

Things that are huge issues for me
..no physical touching, he doesn't physically pursue me
..no compliments, he hasn't told me I am pretty, beautiful, sexy in 2 years
..not fully transparent, won't give up the code to his phone
..doesn't say I love you

I would have issues with these things too. The phone code issue is what is jumping out at me right now, but I would not immediately assume it "means" something other than he may resent the fact he is being asked to do it. But this is the bed he made.
Does he say "I love you" back when you say it first, or not at all? How were the compliments, pretty, sexy, etc, earlier in the marriage? Is this an anomaly or has he always struggled with pursuing you and complimenting you?
Before you guys got married who pursued who to start the relationship?

And, Twin, I don't think you need to "find" your inner bit¢h. I happen to know first hand you can find it when needed. You'll attract more flies with honey. That being said, you do need to set kind and loving boundaries, everywhere in life. Don't people please, bust don't be a bit¢h either. Just my 2¢.