I think this thread is just about kicked. hoping the next few days get me out of this funk.
I'm wondering if part of why I am feeling so awful lately (in addition to winter, being sick, my D being sick, falling behind at work because we've been sick)... is that I have had too much interaction with WAH lately. The stuff with his dad (in a coma, unlikely to recover) has hit me hard emotionally. And it's set me back a bit as far as detachment goes.
H wrote to me about how he's feeling so drained, no time for himself except for a couple of dinners with friends because "the thought of sitting home by myself after visiting my father in the hospital is not appealing to me".
I don't know how to react to that. Um, he chose this life. He fired me as his wife.
I realize I need to pull way back. And I'm thinking hard about sharing some feelings with him. I know it won't have any affect. But it doesn't matter. I have no hope left. If he can live through this crisis with his dad, seeing how his parents divorce still affects things 30+ years later, and that doesn't make any difference to him, he is not at all someone I want or need in my life beyond what is necessary as far as co-parenting and financial obligation.
I feel like I am teetering on the edge and I need to find my footing.
I'm giving myself a few more days--if I still feel like this after some decent sleep and after I have recovered from illness, I will send my hail mary and then be done. I will begin moving forward with a D, not just waiting for him. I will move his remaining things into the basement and tell him they are there if he wants them and will be removed by xx date. I will put all wedding or other relationship items in a box in the basement. I need to move forward.
I deserve better. I want better. I've been so inspired by the strength I see in the women on these boards-- Maybell, Ss, rppfl-- I am hoping to feel as strong as you soon.
