I'm just utterly gutted right now :(

[25yearsmlc]

Hi Frank - glad that you had a productive call with you W. You sound a bit brighter.

Just one comment - DR/DB is intended for us alone. But you have already mentioned it to your W, so you are where you are. But the thing is I would leave it there. Don't push or mention that any further now - leave it well along. If your W is interested enough, she'll sort herself out with the book and read it...

I was stuck at the time. I admitted I made so many mistakes and didn't know how to start fixing things and she mentioned books so that's when i told her about it.

THIS^^, I understand, though you could have just said you've "also been reading some very useful books"...


I really wanted her to read the first few chapters anyway since it's basically describing us 100%.


THIS^^ is you trying to control her and the outcome of the situation.

THIS^^ is you having expectations, regardless of what you tell yourself.

THIS^^ is not helping you. The books and the advice here about NOT recommending the books, are said for very good reasons.

You have to start believing that the author has some insight and experience in this area, and accepting that your needs and wants are not unheard of or all that unusual. We get it. Don't pooh pooh it.

In the years I've been here, I've still never advised my h to read the books.



So many things in that book are things she's done and said and i just want her to realize this is all 'normal' and people come back from it all and become happy again.

See above comments re: expectations and controlling outcome, for more of the same. "I just want her to realize"...and "people come back from it and ...." is exactly wanting HER to...blah blah blah

(so, back to YOU)

Frank, "more of the same" is NOT what you need.

I'm really glad you got some meds so that you can refrain from this type of "raised expectation/control the outcome" mindset, and learn to face this as it comes,

trusting that you are indeed strong enough and open enough to learn new things and get new tools. I recall not sleeping well, for weeks, and sort of constantly feeling on the verge of having the flu. So when I got some sleep aids and then anti anxiety meds, the whole circular nature of this (and endlessly asking "WHY??")
& poor sleep, abated.

Just those ^^ two things really helped.

Did you check out EE, or is that what you meant by getting plane tickets? I'm a little unclear.

Finally, keep on keeping on. Soon I hope, your screen name will change and evolve, as you are.

Maybe "I WAS gutted, but now I'm growing" or something new, and or a lot more hopeful...

B/C as you grow from this (and growing from this is kind of the big "silver lining" to this whole ordeal),

you will gain a peace and strength within, that you may not have known for a long time.

That's worth sharing.