The awakening of me Part 3

[mleigh4]

Morning 2 of move out weekend.

Bare with me guys. This is proving to be a little harder than I expected, and posting my feelings is helping me from spewing them.

Last night H never came back but I pretty much expected that when he took sheets and blankets with him. I got the 7 a.m. TM to not worry, he passed out on couch and will be heading this way shortly. Please, he had every intention of staying there, just be honest!! What does it matter anymore?

So he showed up about 9 and talked with our neighbor across the street for a good hour. Then came in and sat down with S and I. Asked how S was feeling, let me know he picked up a bed frame for free on his way here. I answered cool, I mean what does he want from me? We had full eye contact and I searched his eyes....were you celebrating your first night with some skank last night? Were you really alone and just crashed out in your mismatched teenager furnished house? I can't see anything in his eyes, just blank.

But does it matter? Either scenario is sad. To choose that over family and home. Just sad.

So he is gathering things now, going to pick up his buddy to help him. BTW, his new hangout buddy? They have known each other since high school, buddy has never had a long term serious relationship and has been in and out of jail for stolen merchandise and drug use, currently living with his mom.

I am fighting anxiety, this feels to be a true test of changes I have made in myself. I am staying away from H best I can because I'm scared I will blurt something out. Working really hard to keep my mouth shut. I want to finish this weekend coming out with dignity and grace. I refuse to give him a reason to justify his actions. I want this over so I can start healing and move on.