I am really running through a ton of emotions, at one moment i want to divorce her and give her what she wants because i know she will soon see who and what the OM really is. then there is that fighter in me that wants to hold onto what i love and fight for her and be strong until she sees her errors.
There.
Look, buddy, step back for a minute and see if you follow me: You are doing exactly all of the above (minus the D part; that's why it's struck now ), right this very minute!! You are going to tell her that you know about the ongoing A. You are backing out and letting OM meet all her needs. Those things could very possibly lead to the A ending sooner than it otherwise would have.
I wrote about this on someone else's thread recently, I think. There's this really cool thing that happens when you expose the A to your WAS and then back wayyyyy out to let OM meet your W's needs. First, the A loses its main appeal: Risk and secrecy. And then the two people in the A start to see each other for the people they really are, warts and all. They start feeling the weight of stress instead of the bliss of forbidden ecstasy. They start seeing how the other person deals with real-live stress. And keep in mind that cheaters are fundamentally selfish people, and relationships between two selfish people - for obvious reasons - usually don't work out.
In other words, once the veil of secrecy is lifted off the A, the APs start having real-life problems ... the same kind of problems that your M had. If you are completely backed out, W isn't focusing on YOUR "warts." She's focusing on OM's. (Now, if you start acting silly and staying up in W's face, then you put the focus back on YOU, which just prolongs the time it will take her to notice OM's warts.
And with all her focus on OM - who's a fundamentally selfish person who obviously cares more about himself than your W - your W *might* start to realize that maybe you (and your M) weren't so bad, after all.
So let's circle back to this:
I am really running through a ton of emotions, at one moment i want to divorce her and give her what she wants because i know she will soon see who and what the OM really is. then there is that fighter in me that wants to hold onto what i love and fight for her and be strong until she sees her errors.
Do you see, now, how you're doing BOTH at the same time? You are fighting for her BY backing out and giving her what she thinks she wants. Two purposes, one action: Couldn't be more simple.
anyone have any ideas to cope besides GAL. cause at this moment i cannot GAL! Yes, you can. I know you don't feel like it, but it will be your saving grace. I promise. FORCE yourself to go do something fun or daring or adventurous. It can be alone or with friends. Fill up your calendar. This will give your mind a MUCH-needed distraction from your circumstances. It will make you feel better, and it will make you more optimistic. That, in turn, will help you be more genuinely optimistic around W. It is also KEY to helping you detach from your W's actions right now. And if you can't detach, you're going to end up spinning ... and W is going to notice ... and then you will effectively turn W's attention back on YOUR warts.
), 
