Mozza (8) + Links to success stories

[Mozza]

I've agreed to meet WAW on Tuesday for lunch.

She's been looking for multiple ways to meet me and now she's found it. It's fine with me. You know that deep down, that's what I want, even though I'm told it's no good for the sitch. I'm also very controlled and can behave in the right way, even if I feel different, as I've done before.

You need to write down questions to ask or things to talk about with her......like what are her intentions about the children! Did she not even mention them? How does she plan to finance this trip back, etc.

Anyway, it's a good idea to write some notes before you talk to her, b/c you'll probably be as nervous as a cat in a rocking chair factory.

Thanks for the idea, sandi2. My general take is that my WAW changes her mind regularly and sometimes I need to let things come and go without cementing any of it. That's what I did with the request to change a godmother and it worked well as she never brought it up again. In this case, I suspect a few more weeks, a change of job, and the idea will be off the table.

So to me, at issue is her attitude towards her challenges and her usual flight reaction. I do not want to hide it under some logistical problem because then if we resolve them, it implies that she/we can just move. Then the problems will start again. In fact, it's entirely plausible that if we were to move to her country, the problems would resume within 1-2 years and she'd want to move again (for instance, she doesn't get along that well with her parents, which she tends to forget when she's away). The kids and I can't follow her around for the next 15 years.

My plan is to listen to her and validate. I agree that all that she faces is difficult: she has less money, much less friends, her job environment is harsh, the weather is cold, etc. I disagree on the reaction however: no need to move abroad.

1. What has she done to address the problems she shared? (friends, money, job, weather)
2. What does she see me and the kids doing if she were to move to her country?
3. What would be the challenges of living in her country?
4. How does she suggest that we'll calculate a share of expenses other than 50/50?
5. Why does she want to start the D proceedings now, 8 months ahead of time?

I will not mention OM, although he's involved in each of these topics, as a boyfriend, coworker and roommate of hers.

Off to GAL!