I am probably not a very good DBer to give you any advice on this area. For me, I would rather go through the turmoil I am going through then being on the dark guessing what is going on.
Even with all the pain, I feel better that I know for sure. And I feel even better that my H knows he can't lie to me anymore.
Maybe this is what will push him totally to this OW, but it was a risk I decided to take. It's by other hand, and unbearable pain. But I do not like limbo. Maybe the best thing is to ask yourself what is really the reason you want to know. What will happen when you confirm the A, what are you going to do with that information.
Please, be aware that you need to have a clear tough of what you are going to do when you come face to face with the enemy. My intention was to have it 100% the truth and let my H know I can't be lied to anymore. And that's exactly what I did. I did not humiliate myself, did not make a big scene, did not argue or had a fit. I was cold and very practical. I calmly approached him and from that point on H knew he does not have anymore control of his R with me.
So, I would say that you take a good deep breath, think what you really can handle, what is that you want. Think what you are going to do with the information you have. Is this going to help your cause or it is just because you are super angry.
If it is because you are angry, so prepare yourself to get maybe a thousand times more angry, because that is what it feels like. So think, and think a little more of how much can you handle and be careful do not hurt your cause.
