Susana, you absolutely sound like an amazing woman. Have you forgotten that you are?
Thanks Squiggy. I'm trying to keep that in mind. It's just hard not to get bogged down in self-doubt right now!
Originally Posted By: Squiggy
What seems to be the general rule of thumb here is to do the 180s that have the most impact for YOU and bringing yourself closer to the person YOU want to be while also addressing the complaints your H gave.
What I've tried to focus on is remembering who I was before I met my wife, which was when I felt the strongest. Took a personal inventory of that and then added the issues I've learned about over the years and in my M. Now I am working on them. One example of an issue I have that is separate from my M, but still bothers me, is how frustrated I get when interrupted. Working with S5 is giving me loads of practice.
What are some things that you can work on?
H hasn't really made many complaints so most of the things I'm working on are things I want to change: -Being less reactive in arguments, and not getting angry or defensive -Working on my anxiety issues -Being more optimistic & positive (I have always been so jealous of optimists and only recently did I think - why don't I just work to become one?!)
What's kind of strange to me is before I was with H I loved being single. In fact, I didn't want a relationship at all (silly H came along and I fell in love anyway ;)), I was so happy on my own and I was scared adding someone else into the mix would upset the balance. So I'm not really sure why I'm scared of losing H. I know I can and will be happy on my own. I suppose what I'm scared of is meeting someone else; I find it really hard to trust and open up to someone, and I guess I'm just scared I can't do it again especially when I feel H has violated my trust (how can I trust anyone else when the person I felt 100% sure of suddenly ended things without any warning at all?).
So I guess trust is one of the things I need to work on but I'm not sure how to do that on my own/outside a relationship.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
I'm trying to keep that in mind. It's just hard not to get bogged down in self-doubt right now!