This can't be the end! #2

[Barry]

Ok, so a mixed meeting with W. Sorry, this may be a long post as I want to journal this.

We met and spent half an hour or so chit chatting about the kids, our extended family's news and what we've been up to etc. We were both relatively open about things, but I obviously kept some details back as per DB'ing. It was all very civil if not somewhat guarded from both of us.

She then asked if I wanted to go for a walk for a bit. We did talk about the R (she brought it up), and I just listened as much as I could, kept eye contact, validated, and asked the right questions. The gist of the whole conversation was that she doesn't feel any different about things, she is happier being by herself, and doesn't think we should be together for both our sakes. She doesn't see that changing and doesn't want me to feel like I'm just waiting for her to come around. She said if that was the case, we will put the house up for sale tomorrow and go our own ways. (She obviously sees selling the house the same way I do in that it will be a major step towards permanent S and D if we sell it).

She said that she hasn't sought any legal council and asked me if I had. I said no. As I've mentioned before, by UK law, we'd have to be S for 2 years before we can D, and we can work out the details in that time by ourselves if we can't R.

We then sat in my car for a while to continue the discussion. I said that I was disappointed that she was no longer wearing her rings. She said that they just didn't mean what they did to her (as well as being too big now - she looks to have lost weight). I just said that I understood but that I would continue to wear mine as we are still married and I that I am still standing.

She told me that the biggest thing to have changed over the last year is her, and she is really only thinking of her own happiness at the moment. I said that I could relate to that. She said that the pressure of me putting her above myself was stifling and too much to bear for her. I agreed and said that I understand how that would have made her feel.
She said that I must also have been happier since this happened without her making me miserable and I had to disagree to some extent. I said that I missed the kids, her, my home, my dog, and my life (if not so much the old feelings associated with it) and that because I don't feel the same as her in wanting to end things, I wasn't happy. I said that I had come to realise that I will be OK without her and that it was no longer a case that I needed to be with her, it was that I wanted to. It's not what she wants though.

She said that she's totally aware that this time is all we've ever wanted, dreamed of and worked towards..when the kids were older and we'd have "our time". She said that she is sad about it too because now we're here, she doesn't want it.
(I thought I could see a slight welling of the eyes here but she stopped it quickly).

She mentioned her best friend, and told me a couple of things that I'd said to her when I'd visited. I said that I wouldn't be doing that any more whilst we are S. Not because I don't like her (I don't as it happens) but that she is really only my friend by association and I didn't want things to be difficult for her. I did say that I was disappointed that she told her everything, but W said that it was more a case that she (W) had asked about certain things and her friend wouldn't lie or not tell the truth etc. That's fine, I know where I stand with the sitch there now so I will leave well alone.

She confirmed that she is out on the town tonight with her friend, but said that it was just that, and not a night out trying to meet anyone. She's happy on her own.
This lead me to say that I was concerned that as the weeks and months go by, this is going to change and she'll eventually meet someone. She just said "you might too", to which I said that I wouldn't be dating anyone, I don't want anyone else.
She didn't encourage me to, she just said that I was handsome and a good man and that I wouldn't have trouble with it should I want to. ** I'm thinking, check what you're saying W, if I'm such a catch..you can have me!!

She asked me if I really understood her when she said that as it stands, our M is over, done, finished, and that she doesn't see a way back. I said I did. (I was dying inside at this point - all I wanted to do was beg and plead etc, but thought of what I would have to tell you guys later!!).

I asked her if she understood ME when I said that I don't think that the problems we've had are insurmountable, and that I still loved her (I was trying not to say that but it slipped out) and wanted us to try and R. I said that I was aware that it may take a long time, and that there were no guarantees that it would work but that I wanted both of us to be able to look back on this and say we gave it every chance. She said she did.

I said that it was nice to see her, and asked if maybe we could do it again sometime, without all the R talk as we are nowhere near ready (if we ever will be) to do that. She said yes, but that I was not to consider it a "date day" in any way. I said I didn't and that I had no expectations.
I said that I would wait for her to initiate an invitation for our next meet-up (ok, ok, today's coffee was my idea - sorry guys) and she said that would be fine with her and she would be in touch. We had some final talk on some finance matters, I said have a nice time tonight and left.

I'm out myself tonight, but I'm going to a nearby city rather than the local town so we won't bump into each other.

My thoughts on this are that I can see it in her eyes that she is done with this M right now. Barring a miracle, she's not going to change her mind by ANY actions that I take. I won't give up hope entirely though and will continue with the DB ethos. Although this will see me in good stead for my future, I really don't think that it's going to work in drawing her back to me. That makes me sad of course but I'm also feeling more confident that I will be alright whatever happens.

Thoughts on how I did, or the sitch in general anyone?
All feedback welcome, but to the vets that have been following my story in particular...what do you think?

Barry.