Old dog seeks new trick 7

[Maybell]

Old Dog, before I joined DB, I spent a LOT of time where you are. Spinning, trying to make him see how great I am, running to people for advice and comfort.

Finally in October 2013, a very good friend said to me, "You need to find your value."

I had no idea what that meant. I spent months searching for just what that meant, asking people, looking it up, everything.

Meanwhile, STBX was treating me with less and less respect every day. He stopped pretending he was done with OW. He did less and less around the house. He pitched fits about how he "ruins everything" and never cleaned up behind himself. He was consumed with self-pity. He played a LOT of video games. He treated me worse and worse every day.

In January 2014 he threatened to move out and then he left for a business trip. He was gone for three days and never called, and I think he took some glee in hurting me that way.

For months he waffled back and forth about leaving. It was not really spoken out loud again, but it was a threat that hung over me like smoke. I worked really hard not to rock the boat because I didn't want him to make good on that threat.

I slept less and less. I was short with the kids. I cried ALL THE TIME. I was barely functioning.

In April 2014 I felt like things had to change. I couldn't live like that any more. He started threatening more overtly and he moved into the guest room. I couldn't see the reason for ANY of this, but the reason was, he had never stopped talking to OW and I can't compare to a 26 yo sexting partner who lives three thousand miles away.

I told him, move out or commit to the marriage. I can't take this any more.

I gave him a week to think it over while I took the kids' to my parents' house. He chose to move out.

And you know what, the night he left, I slept ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE NIGHT like a dead person for the first time in probably ten months.

I have found my value. I know now who I am. And I know that I am enough.

I've asked you a bunch of times who you want to be, what kind of man you want to be, and I've told you, start acting like that man.

Go Find Your Value, Old Dog.

She doesn't get to tell you what that is. Figure out who you are and who you want to be and OWN IT. It only looks hard. How you're living right now is way harder.