Yes I went there, just to make sure. I have his car keys, so I checked his car and there was no sign of OW. Nothing, not even a smell.
I did not see them. Did not stay there to check out what I already know. I found some receipts and one of them has a CC # I do not recognize. So, I will get H credit report to see if he has open a CC account and then my fears will be reality. He has been all over the place with the OW.
I wish it was not happening, but it is. I will move forward with the legal separation, basically the divorce as it is almost the same thing here in Colorado. I want the LS instead of a divorce just to make a point, that's all.
It will give me some independence, some peace of mind, some peace in my heart. I need this, I need to stop the roller coaster insanity and start having a life again.
My kids deserve better, I deserve better. H needs to get out of my life, my head and mainly my heart. He went too far. I can be a wild cat when someone hurts me, but I am a Lion when someone hurts my kids. I feel very regretful I gave my kids such bad father. He is never been very present and now he withdraw totally just because he is having this great adventure.
Things will change, they must change once for all.
Yes, I am extremely upset, unhappy, betrayed, hurt, mad, angry, and a little more angry. To the point that I can understand how it is possible someone to kill their partner. That crazy feeling gets to you.
H thinks that because he mention he wants a D that everything is done already. What a jerk.
I feel good that he is leaving the country tomorrow. I will have time to cool down and serve the papers to him when he comes back. I hate feeling like a baby, always crying the milk spilled. It has just been a very hard time. I was never unfaithful to my H or anyone in my life. So,it don't just happen, it is a choice people make to engage in such behavior.
I am grateful though that I have some very good friends, people that go out of their way to check how I am doing, I have friends that calls me every day to chat and makes me feel better. It's amazing how many people loves me.
And then I have my online family, that always comes to the rescue when I am all over the place. It has been a blessing to be able to open my heart with no shame.
I am more positive about the decisions I took. And I am seriously thinking that I am not doing what I am suppose to do that is to get myself better, do a lot of stuff to change and be a brilliant person. I am really thinking that I am all over the fact that my H is having an affair and are all over the place having fun with this cheater OW that I am neglecting to take care after myself and reach my goals.
I know and have been experiencing that it is very hard to see and live all what is going on, but it's time to wake up for what DBing is about and it is time to make myself better and a person I want to be years down the road.
This weekend I will be very busy collecting all paperwork I need to start the process of a legal separation. Beginning of next week will deliver all paperwork to my L. Once all this paperwork is ready, I want to start planning the things I want to do, the things I can do and the things I can afford to do.
And, I am really sorry for not being active on your guys threads. It is very unfair to receive and not give anything. I am trying my best to get myself into a better place. I think next week will be a better one.
