Devastated Husband; Need Advice...Part 2

[TLEE86]

So its's been just about 4months since W and I separated, and about 3 months of real DBing. Just doing a quick re-evaluation of where I am at, compared to where I started and evaluating my 180s and Goals for the Week.

Month 1- Lots of pursuing/begging/pleading. Didnt work. W and I had minimal texting
Month 2- Stopped pursuing actions, let W initiate contact. Texting increased
Month 3 and 4- No pursuing actions, letting W initiate ~90% of the contact. W texts daily and calls me regularly to talk about anything and asks for my advice and my opinion on her decisions. Very friendly

180s
- Continue to empathize with her, do not be critical of her (7/10)
I always always always empathize with her, continuing to be sincere in my responses and LISTEN to her

- Support her in everything she does, unless its something retarded like an affair (7/10)
I am listening to her and offering her my opinion when she asks for it. Actually trying to validate and help her by researching things that she is interested in

- NO pursuing; Dial it back and let her initiate more than me (7/10)
W initiates ~90% of texts, 95% of phone calls. Texts me daily and calls me frequently. I am starting to try and reach out to her a little more

- Be EASY GOING; show her I can handle her moods (7/10)
Probably the hardest one, but I am learning that W goes through multiple mood swings just like I do. If she doesn't feel like talking one day, she'll call or text the next day. No issues, detach and just let it ride

-Do NOT bring up the past and good times from it unless SHE does it (6/10)
Lately she has been bringing up some stuff from the past, whether its memories or just things we've seen or sending me pictures of me and her or our old house.

WHAT WORKS

- VALIDATE and EMPATHIZE
- Asking about how HER day went
- Talking about the dog, her job, her future (internship/school), photography, church,
- Being friendly, making her laugh, banter
- Sending funny memes or something while she's at work
- Jokes about the past (but not too much, only if situation applies to now)
- Empathizing with her and what she's going through
- JUST STFU and LISTEN to what she has to say on the phone-just let her talk
Giving advice when she asks for it

WHAT DOESNT WORK

-Texting her right after we get off the phone
-Talk about the future or relationship talks that she doesn't bring up
-Asking her about certain things that she didn't respond to

Overall, I feel like I am doing well. I miss her like crazy and have my moments where I am just simply sucking but I feel like I have come along way from where we used to be 4 months ago and will continue to give my best efforts in DBing. For myself and for my M.

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Not too much change as far as work or anything in general. Work is going very well, still extremely frustrated with the Army but as far as how I am doing, everything is good. Cooking class starts soon so more to follow on that one and also trying to find things to occupy my mind when I am home whether its a new computer game, or watching TV or something, but I am slowly letting things just ride out and it seems to be working, although very VERY slowly. Hopefully this PMA keeps up and doesn't go away. Thanks for reading. Goodnight!