The awakening of me Part 3

[mleigh4]

Day 1 of 3 of move out.....

It's weird. Real weird. He asked to take our comfy but ruined with bleach marks sheets. He got together some towels and was in the garage for a while. I offered to help, since he helped me move out, but he declined. He asked about taking the dresser with his stuff in it, a part of my bedroom set I got pre him. I said sure, for now.

Anyway, made it a normal night for me and S. Made dinner, a mean tri tip! and now just chilin. H took off to unload at "the house". Weird weird weird.

Time for a glass of vino

[BrightFuture]

I'm there with you, with a glass of vino . You are doing great.

[mleigh4]

Morning 2 of move out weekend.

Bare with me guys. This is proving to be a little harder than I expected, and posting my feelings is helping me from spewing them.

Last night H never came back but I pretty much expected that when he took sheets and blankets with him. I got the 7 a.m. TM to not worry, he passed out on couch and will be heading this way shortly. Please, he had every intention of staying there, just be honest!! What does it matter anymore?

So he showed up about 9 and talked with our neighbor across the street for a good hour. Then came in and sat down with S and I. Asked how S was feeling, let me know he picked up a bed frame for free on his way here. I answered cool, I mean what does he want from me? We had full eye contact and I searched his eyes....were you celebrating your first night with some skank last night? Were you really alone and just crashed out in your mismatched teenager furnished house? I can't see anything in his eyes, just blank.

But does it matter? Either scenario is sad. To choose that over family and home. Just sad.

So he is gathering things now, going to pick up his buddy to help him. BTW, his new hangout buddy? They have known each other since high school, buddy has never had a long term serious relationship and has been in and out of jail for stolen merchandise and drug use, currently living with his mom.

I am fighting anxiety, this feels to be a true test of changes I have made in myself. I am staying away from H best I can because I'm scared I will blurt something out. Working really hard to keep my mouth shut. I want to finish this weekend coming out with dignity and grace. I refuse to give him a reason to justify his actions. I want this over so I can start healing and move on.

[mleigh4]

Night 2 of move out weekend.

Well alrighty, I did well! I felt the anxiety and anticipation coming on, and I took control of it. H and buddy showed up. I made sure to come out smiling and joking with them. They took most of the heavy stuff H needed. H asked first about anything he took that we hadn't discussed. When leaving, H said he may or may not come back for some more, but planned on sleeping at "the house" tonight. He said tomorrow he wanted to take over S for a little while, then asked if all 3 of us could go to dinner. I said ok, but what about the super bowl? He said he didn't plan on watching it. Could be the lips flapping, we will see

So I am super proud of myself. S and I went grocery shopping and are feeling much better. I am in for the night with my son and pets, surrounded by love, I am good

[LoisB]

Mleigh,

You are amazing :-)

We are here if the waters get rough.

Much love,

Heather

[mleigh4]

Thank you Heather. Your words mean the world to me. I am learning from the best of you here I don't know what I would do without you guys.

[CaliGuy]

Mleigh

You are doing great... And you are handling that moving this with grace. This roller coaster isn't something any of us asked for, but here we are... There will be ups and downs in the emotions, but you are showing incredible strength and you're only getting stronger and it's amazing to watch here from the sidelines. You've got this!!

[mleigh4]

Morning 3 of move out weekend:

Caliguy, thank you for your continued support, it means a lot

Last night S and I watched a movie, had dinner, played with the crazy animals, it was a good night. I moved some things around in my bedroom to fix the space where his dresser was and it looks really cute! We have 2 vanities in the bathroom with shelves on each side and his were all emptied out. So I moved my stuff over to fill it all back up. I also added some trinkets, they are ceramic stars I got from a wedding. I have 3, they say wish, believe and dream. Good thoughts to have each day as I get ready. Anyway, too soon to be erasing signs of H? Not for me. His choice.

About 8:45 H showed up. I didn't hear him come in and all of a sudden he said something, really startled me! He said he had gone to the store to get some groceries, went to have some cereal, and realized he didn't have any bowls. So he went through the kitchen and grabbed some things. He also went into my bedroom to get his laundry basket and I cringed a little. I hope it doesn't hurt his feelings that I am changing things already, but again, his choice. He didn't say anything. Came out and said his goodbye.

This morning I woke up full of energy. By 10 am I cleaned my bathroom, put away more of H's shoes and clothes in closet, put away some things he left in the shower, and shampooed the empty living room carpet where new furniture will go!

I am dying, just DYING to straighten up the spare room, H's room. The door remains closed. But I don't want to push it. I will let him have today to finish clearing his stuff out of there, but then that door is open, forever! and I am cleaning! H knows me and knows I hate disorder. I wouldn't say I am a neat freak, I just like organized and tidy

H has Direct tv going to his place between 12 and 4 today. He had asked S to come visit him today sometime. He had also mentioned us all going to dinner, but we will see how it all plays out. In the meantime I am staying busy and it feels good.

Time to clean the shower!

[job]

My goodness! You have been a whirlwind in the cleaning department. I do know what you mean about cleaning up and putting things away. It's nice to be able to look around and know that everything is nice and clean. I'm sure you can't wait to air out and clean up the "frat" room. It's going to take a lot of airing out. LOL! Don't forget to clean out from under the bed. They generally have stuff under there too!

Give him today and then tomorrow....look out!

[2BHappy]

M4
You are doing great as well as can be expected.

Stay strong and focused.