Gwen, You are going to have good and bad days and you have to be kind to yourself. You are still grieving for your "old" marriage. You are going to go through periods of sadness and not feeling very worthy, but you need to allow that pain to wash over you and then let it go. After each time you go through this type of "cycle" the period of time will begin to shorten until one day, you will wake up and realize that the sun is shining and the world is waiting for you to come out to play.
I do understand why you can't rationalize his behavior. His behavior truly isn't rational because everything he does or says is based on emotion. When people are emotional, you have to sit back and allow those emotions to play out before you can even get a word in edgewise. Their perception of the world isn't the same as ours right now.
Gwen, feel the pain and then let it go. I know your heart is conflicted and the cloud is hanging over it. Be kind to yourself. Do something extra special for yourself. Take it one second, one minute and then one hour at a time until you feel stronger.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
