My fear is in losing the one and only woman I've ever been in love with. You are right in telling me that that woman is already gone. I undestand and appreciate your advice that she has to feel she's lost me. I'm not sure how that ever happens even if I can muster up the willpower to be who I know I need to be for me. I can't even imagine ever wanting to be with someone else and so I'll defer that thought for now as i just can't think about it now.
Right, don't focus on losing the woman you love, or even think about anyone else. Just work at seeing what you need to change in yourself. You are taking a step in the right direction by reading these self-help books. When you read something that jumps out at you, maybe jot it down so you can remember it as one of your goals to work toward.
If you are willing, then you will get people here to support you. We all had to learn and we can't do it in a day or two. So, get the information and set personal improvement goals.
Your focus is to be about protecting you and the children (mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.). It does not mean you are selfish by doing so. You are on a mission to improve your life, and you start by making changes in those areas you know are not good for you (like the location of where you live). You set aside time to be around other adults, making new friends and having some kind of social life. That is necessary for a healthy-rounded person. You do not keep your children everyday and night unless it is unsafe to stay with their mother. It does not mean you are a bad father by having her to keep them when it is her time. Do you have them every weekend? If so, you need to change that where it be fair for both parents. Many wayward mothers do not want to have their children when they are ready to go "out". If you do not have a balanced schedule for keeping the kids, you may have to go through the legal system. Don't be afraid of it.
Do what is good for vdubber. It is not your job to take care of your wayward wife. She should be responsible for her own issues, messes, bills, kids, and other adult things we have to deal with. It is not your responsibility to rescue her, or work out her problems she has caused.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
