Hi OD, I'm sorry to hear that your S will need to have an op - but good that he'll be going to the very best place for it. Do you have an idea of how soon it will happen? I agree that you'll need to be a united front for him - but how that united front happens is up to you.

There's a lot for you to think about, and you'll decide on the best way forward for you when you're ready. Just on this whole 'courteous' debate. I can see the case for thanking your S for their honesty about something. I did that with my H when he answered my questions about his A (pre-DB.)

However, alongside that is boundaries. We shouldn't confuse thanking someone for their courtesy in being honest to us and tolerating a marital situation where your W sets off for a date with OP leaving you to look after the household..

Last edited by Toots; 01/30/15 09:18 PM.
T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus