Seperated and she is with someone - I'm desperate

[Barry]

Hi vdubber.
I just wanted to say thanks for reading my story too, we're both on a long road which will (hopefully) reunite us with our W's, but that will (definatley) make us better, stronger people in the process if that's not the case. I too know someone who never remarried after a split some time ago, but he is happy that way. Two of my close friends also split, and both are now married to wonderful woman that would be the envy of many. Try to remain positive, I know how difficult that is.

I don't want to hijack your thread by talking about myself, but bear with me as this also relates to sandi's question about fear too.

Just yesterday, one of my colleagues had her 40th birthday. She bought cakes into the office for all to celebrate and when I didn't have one, she asked me why not? She is one of the select few at work who knows my sitch and I jokingly said that I had my match.com profile pic to think of (that was just a joke, I have no intention of dating) and she very kindly said that she didn't think I'd have any problems in that respect. I was quite flattered as she is a very attractive (married) woman. This is not the first comment I've received like this recently either.

I think that's the hardest thing for us both right now...the thought of not being with our W's is so foreign to us that we don't see a great future without them.
I have to say that although it's important to me to R with my W, I am actually beginning to realise that there could/should/will be an outcome to this and that may not be with my W as I would like. If you can work on your self esteem (not sure if you have issues with that but I do), women do notice and are drawn to that, and our W's are still women, even if an alien is in their head at the moment

To expand on the fear issue sandi, as I've put on my thread before, I've lived in fear for some time. Fear of not being good enough for my W, not doing enough with the kids, fear of the future. I'm sure this inner problem has been a big contributing factor in the demise of my M.

I personally look at my W and think that she is more beautiful than she ever has been, whilst I look at myself and see an "old" looking man staring back at me. I think some men get to feeling grateful that they have the W they do as they're "punching about their weight" in the looks department so the fear creeps in that if they lose that person, they will never find anyone as good again. I don't just mean in the looks department either but that always helps!

I could have that all wrong, and it may just be me that has felt that way??!

Barry.