and BTW...we all (those who make 180's) hear this. Its justification in their minds to keep pulling away.
My response had been:
"Well I'm doing it now, I should have done it long ago. It took what going on to re-find myself. (yes re-find is not a word) Is it a trap? Yes and no. I'd like you to notice, but I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing this for me."
When/if she ever says too little too late.
Agree with her. It should have been more. She is right.
We all, all of us here made the mistake of taking our spouses for granted. So did she. We all should have been treating our spouses like we did on our wedding day every day should have been an opportunity to show or remind them of why they loved us...and we all fell down. We all sort of just stopped doing that.
My response has been similar to yours -- just in slightly different words. But I've definitely told her that I am doing everything right now for myself and for the kids.
I completely own the fact that I've fallen down and taken her for granted at times. But -- in many ways she took me for granted as well -- we are both at fault for doing that. Doesn't make either of us right or wrong -- just makes us human. The difference is, despite being human and not always being the spouse I could be, I never gave up on us. I assumed she would never give up on us either, but I also never imagined she would have an MLC. But she did and now we have the mess that we have in our lives.
All I can do now -- work on myself so I can be the person I need to be for me and for my kids. All of us (me and the kids) deserve nothing less than my best right now. :-)
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
