Requesting support and direction

[Andy125]

Hey Linda thanks for the responses, sorry I've been MIA for the last week or so. Lots was going on..... so where do I start.... well the first week of school is done... well almost done, one more class (with a quiz. Chem was hit the ground running!!). Its been a flood of feelings starting back to school, feels good, feels like I'm in control of my life again ( at least in this regard). Its also scary getting back into being a student, lots of new habits to form, but I think that so far I'm taking it on pretty good. I've added to my morning routine to hit the gym. Its been nice to do that, certainly helps keep the depression at bay, and I think is helping to contribute to the a PMA. I have been joking with my best friend and hit wife about all the changes. We are calling it operation - anti frumpy single Dad. Look good feel good... I think this fits into the whole DBing but not completely sure how. Maybe like you said Linda, be a husband she would be a fool to leave.

Unfortunately I think that my wife is going the way of the fool. On Monday she gets the keys to her new place. It has been such a long drawn out process. I'm still not to sure if he moving out helps my DB cause or not. I certainly have been coming around to the thought that my and my girls need the space. D8 put it perfectly last night "Dad once Mom moves out then there won't be so much craziness here. The big issue won't be talked about as much anymore." I think that she put that rather perfectly. I also feel the same way, we need our space to learn a new normal and not be subjected to my W selfishness. Again detaching? or giving up? I'm certainly coming to terms with the fact that once she is gone that just might be it. Don't like it, but can't control it.

I honestly do not know how many people read these posts, but just to put it out there I want to comment on something.... maybe it will help new people maybe not.... I think that there is something to be said about thinking too much about the OM/W. When you do it gives him/her and your spouse way too much power. I will speak to my own sitch here. For almost a year I had thought (almost constantly) about them. What I did wrong, what they were doing, what I could find out, etc. It was completely unhealthy!! and honestly, didn't and doesn't change a thing. IT absolutely consumed me.... took way to much of my own energy and gave it to them. So if you are new to this, one of the biggest and probably hardest things you need to do is [b]stop thinking about it. Stop giving them that power over you!![/b] Take all of that energy and put it into something else (hopefully something for you). Its freeing in a way that I can't really explain... but once you do it you realize that life is a little bit brighter... and that OM/W becomes less significant. I found that it wasn't until I finally realized this that I could truly start to heal myself. I by no means am there yet, but I'm a work in progress. Hopefully other DBer's that are way more senior to me and offer some comments here on this.

And finally WTF is going on with my W.... well the BS continues. I do see in some small ways that as I have pulled away and into my own life (and as she heads towards moving out) she has shown a little interest. I'm not biting... not yet... she has a ton of her own work to do. The OM is still around.. or someone new (honestly I only slightly care). She has tried a few times to manipulate me, and she is learning that its not working anymore (well maybe a little here or there but not much). I'm still trying to find that balance in dealing with her, I have my bad days, but I think that will improve immensely once she moves out and I have my own space. Anyways that is really it... I really appreciate the comments and advice please keep it up, I have re-read it on my bad days when I need a boost that I'm doing that right things. I also know that I'm doing the best I can with this... good days and bad days.