Seperated and she is with someone - I'm desperate

[vdubber]

Thank you Edz. Yes i've been seeing a counselor every 3-4 weeks and we are now moving to weekly. We've always been co-dependant on each other and she has said as much a while back and that we need to be ourselves and go our own way to see if we belong together. That of course coincided timing wise with the OM I suppose. I ordered DB yesterday and DR today. I have read some books on reconciliation in the past 2 weeks but I'm anxious to get these ones as the concepts are discussed quite a bit on this forum.

I guess I'd say I don't know who I am but I need to figure that out. Sometimes I wish I had it in me to be completely irresponsible and do whatever the hell I wanted. I know it's not the right thing to do and it's not who I am but it frustrates me that I have to be the responsible one sometimes. I feel angry and taken advantage of. I know I contributed to where we are now but looking back I set W up with this opportunity to take off and everything my gut told me about being angry and frustrated with her actions and irresponsibility convinced me to leave thinking it would help...I was so very wrong.

I'm sure everyone on here has said this at one point or another when the first joined the forum, but I honestly am about the last person, last couple that I thought this could ever happen to...really. That shows how out of touch I was and I am with reality.

I should also admit that 2 weeks ago when she admitted to having an Emotional Connection to someone else I fell apart. I left work, went home, threw some of my clothes into my truck, grabbed some money i had saved up, climbed in my truck hopped on the freeway, picked a direction and drove for about 2 1/2 hours stopping off in a town in the next state. I stayed at a hotel there and came home the next day. I'm not proud of this, I'm just trying to be honest that I needed to get away and at the time was planning on driving the next day and next until idk what. Ultimately I thought of my kids and what they meant to me and knew they needed me in their life. If I didn't have the kids I don't know what would have happened to me, I suspect it would have been whatever the easiest path was and i'm not proud of saying that.

I have been praying alot as I do have faith and a large conscience. I feel I was somehow directed to this site as being able to read and share my heartache is what is getting me through the days.