MLCer and EA w/ OW

[Jer2911]

Love the dress ... I have always been a sucker for the little black dress .. not sure who on this earth wouldn't be ... and doing it for you ... Heck yeah ... we all need to treat ourselves and refill that ego bucket that was knocked over with the MLC vengeance truck.

Yeah -- I've always been more of a t-shirt and jeans girl... not "butch" by any means, but never one for dresses on myself. However, another woman in a LBD? Oh yeah... hot! But now I just have the urge to explore my more "fem" side and I'm enjoying it. I also bought a couple of other cute dresses just to have when I need them for various occasions. Definitely doing it for me right now because I am sure it will be a long time, if ever, before she will see me in that dress. Her loss. :-)

Although I will admit to hanging it in the closet in such a way that it is definitely not hidden -- going with that "become mysterious" part of GALing.

Something I wanted to pass on to you yesterday but reading what I wrote I realize I glossed over it. The "Monster" ... you have seen her and no doubt when she comes back she will be all over the place and spinning soon. The thing that I had to learn ... though the very kind people her told me and it never sunk into my thick skull .... in her MLC mind, she is forming the illusion that its you in the way of her happiness. She is currently doing and saying things out of character to try things and find that happiness. The more she tries and fails .. the more the focus becomes you ... hence that beating of the drum .. detach .. GAL ... I have found the 180's you should do for yourself, my W notices them but its not like they make a difference NOW ... maybe later they will weigh in more .. who knows .. that fog is thick. Just food for thought ... and something for you to think about so the spew sessions aren't so personal.

Thanks for those reminders. I completely expect her to come home in full Monster mode -- or spinning like the Tasmanian Devil... I do know that she is noticing my 180s, but her response so far is "why now and not years ago?" I have a very clear memory of our life together and I can definitely see through all of the re-writing of our history -- so I know that some of the things I am doing for 180s are things I have done over the years, but in the past couple of years dropped off due to stress and our very busy lives. She has also complained about somethings that are absolutely untrue -- but she has to spew about things that help her feel justified in her actions, especially the actions that go against who she was pre-MLC and that go against the moral code that she had pre-MLC. I know when she spews it really isn't about me -- even though it can sting at times. But yes, I definitely know for a fact that I am NOT the cause of her unhappiness. I'm human and certainly not perfect, but I also know that I have worked very hard to be the best wife and mother possible -- and many people would be more than happy to have me in their lives. My W was very happy with me for years and always told me how much she appreciated me and what I brought to our family, felt like I was a dream come true, love of her life, etc. I remember all of this and have years of cards and emails filled with those words and so many more that prove how much she loved me and appreciated me. So when she spews -- it hurts, but I know in my heart what the truth is even if she is blinded to it right now because of the fog.

It does make me sad to realize that she may never come out of this. I haven't shared my parents story here, but since BD my mom and I have become much closer and through all of our talks we have both come to realize that my dad is a life-long MLCer who will never come out of it because he just doesn't have the skills or awareness to deal with his issues. Background -- he's a classic "adult child of an alcoholic" and exhibits so many of the characteristics... Really sad. So I can see from my own family of origin what kind of damage this can do to a family and how the MLCer can spend the rest of their lives living in that mess. Hoping and praying for a better outcome for my little family, but all of that is now in God's hands.