Oh I know the exact way you're feeling, I could have written that last August. W had gone to her mothers, took our son I was at the bottom of a very deep place not to mention fighting what I now recognise was serious signs of depression.
I wont go into it on your thread now but various reasons I know the way that fear wraps you up then after BD you feel like you're dangling over a deep hole.
Listen to Sandi she's fantastic and everything she's said is true, she and the others here have got me this far 6 months after BD from my w of 13 years.
Drop by my thread (its on part 10 now but my first days sounded very like yours a month after my wife left).
I'll check back in on you soon, take care, try to relax, it will be ok regardless, you will be ok but you need to calm down and, especially, try to detach - you're going to hear that a lot - and only have positive, non pursuing contact showing a positive, bright shiny you.
My W only started to think about contacting me after I stopped all of that and didnt surrender to my predisposed tendency to send long emotional emails and texts as well as good morning and goodnight texts. I have no idea if my M will reconcile and while that makes me sad, I do know I will continue, my r with my s is being rebuilt and better than the preceding 5 years and I also now accept not everything is under my control especially not my W, I can do nothing to change her, only myself.
Hang in there.
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
