Hi, I was married at 18, too. Been M to the same man a really long time, and I can tell anyone who will listen that a couple who gets M that young will experience several transitions during their marital history together. Even if the law considers us an adult at 18, we certainly aren't through growing. We will probably change our ideas, dreams, opinions, like/dislikes, taste, belief, and maybe our standards to a point (to just name a few). A couple will either work together in these transitions and thereby grow together, or they will grow apart.

In this day & time, it is not unusual to experience more than one life-changing crisis by the time you've been M for 20 yrs. Not only can FB be a killer to M's, but so can stress.

Anyway, let me move along here before I start writing a book. I am truly sorry for your agony. I noticed you used the word "devastated" several times to explain your feelings. This is a word quite commonly found in LBH newcomers. Another common word I am seeing in LBH's is "fear". As a woman, that concerns me a lot. Why are so many men living in fear of their W leaving, or not loving him? I could understand if it were the woman living back 30 or 40 yrs ago, b/c she was more dependent on her spouse. Maybe someone can enlighten me.

I went through something that almost destroyed my M. I became wayward. No, I didn't go to any bars or wild sex parties.......in fact, I still appeared to be quite the proper W to any observers. But inside my home, and in my heart were the feelings and actions of anyone but a loving & respectful W. With the guidance from this board, I was able to find my true self again, and my H and I are still together. But I have to tell ya, I had my doubts. I was feeling a lot of things toward him, but love & attraction wasn't any of it.

No doubt, you love her and are suffering while separated. There are two things you need to make a drastic change right now. Lose the fear and the desperation. It sooooo unattractive when women can detect this in their man. What is the most attractive is the guy who has loads of self-confidence. You need to make this a personal goal and put it at the top of your list of improvements.

A wayward W does not want to hear proclamations of love for her, and she doesn't feel guilty or sorry that the H is devastated over the demise of the MR. You don't have to give hope, but you need to get a healthy GAL, and appear as if you are moving on.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!