Seperated and she is with someone - I'm desperate

[vdubber]

Thank you Karma, Nettles, and Barry. I agree with and appreciate the guidance you are providing. I know I've pretty much been doing the exact opposite of everything I am now learning I should be doing which has only further pushed her away.

I was successful in not contacting her yesterday at all and not saying goodnight for the first time in probably since we've known each other. I also forgot to mention that she lives 2 blocks to the East of me (and 1/2 block north), and her bar/friends are 1 block to the west of me (and 1/2 block south).

I went out of my way to and from work yesterday as well as this morning to not drive by either. It's the first time I've done this but I know it's important not to drive by as it will only hurt me more.

The daycare my kids go to is called a Boys and Girls club and is in the parking lot of their elementary school. I picked them up yesterday hoping the director would be there so I could speak with her as I wanted to know if she had any concerns or noticed any times that my W picked the kids up and seemed that she had been drinking. I will check again with her tonight. I will then call the police and discuss what they can do. I have no proof she is drunk when she picks up kids but know she is at bar for 2 hours each night before she gets them. She never had more than an occassional drink until about 2 years ago and I believe she has found alcohol as a way to cope and change.

I have kids until Monday night. I know I need to GAL but right now (at least this week) that seems to consist of getting kids (by 6pm), get them home, dinner, homework, baths, and us time. I then put them to bed and the rest of my GAL is right now reading as many of your posts and stories as possible. They seem to provide a sense of comfort knowing that I'm not the only one feeling this way.

The weekend is upon us and it's always hard for me. I've been praying for the strength to not think about W, to not contact her, but it kills me to do so.

I will try to take kids somewhere to do something fun this weekend. Next week will be very hard for me as although she has the kids, I had always stopped by in the morning and brought her a cup of coffee, kissed the kids, and started her car if it was cold. I used to do that on days when I had the kids also. This obviously has stopped about a week ago and I'm struggling as I feel a sense of loss not being able to see her if only for a minute each day.

I will start seeing my IC weekly now instead of the 3-4 week schedule we were on. She recommended it and I agree as up until I found this forum she was the only one I could talk to.

Next week when I don't have the kids will be very difficult for me as I don't really have single friends and I am not a "bar" guy unless it was with my W and our friends but those days are long gone for now at least. I ordered the DB book yesterday and I'm guessing from reading posts that I need to order the DR book as well? so I will get that ordered today.

Barry, I stayed up last night as well as woke up early this morning to read your story. I agree we have alot in common, it's amazing how we can be a world away but at the core people's struggles in life are eerily similar. I wish you the best but have no guidance to offer as I can't even help myself right now.

We did have a good marriage, at least I thought as well as she has said. People always told us how great of a couple we are and we were much liked by all of our friends. Those things make me sad as although there were warning signs with seeing W changing, I didn't know things were "broken" and take accountability for not being an awake and alert husband to our R.

I've already lost about 40 lbs over the past 4 months and don't have much more to lose but could stand going to the gym and trying to firm up my belly (lol). Beyond that I need to figure out activities and things for me that I can get involved in and meet some people.

I have seriously considered moving further away this spring as it's very difficult to be located where I am but I also don't want to be too far from the kids school. I should have mentioned that I bought a house a year ago so we have 2 houses we own (jointly). Her dad has helped me alot with the house (it's older) over this past year and we are close. We don't talk about his daughter but he knows how much I love her and the pain I feel. His wife had an A and left him 18 years ago. He has been alone ever since which honestly feels like what I have in store for me the remainder of my life.

Sorry for the sad outlook. I know I need to learn to be upbeat and think about me, much easier said than done.