Mozza (8) + Links to success stories

[Mozza]

So, I need to respond to her email... As requested, here's my draft for feedback.

Thanks for your message. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through these difficult times. Of course we can meet to talk. How do you want to go about it? Lunch next week?

When we meet, my plan is to listen and validate, to just to let her spin her wheels. She lives in the moment and can change her mind soon afterwards. See the godmother episode where I decided not to bring it up again and it never came back. This move is a much bigger issue, but the current moment is very rough for her. I can't imagine she thinks I'll be moving to her country so soon, years earlier than we had planned and now that we have separated. As she wrote me, we always knew we'd have to negotiate and compromise.

We had a short email exchange yesterday about kids' clothes. She wrote me a one-line response that I couldn't understand. She replied. "Sorry. Really drunk... Too much stress: bottle of wine with me." Again, she wasn't drinking before DB...

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The latest I'm feeling is a desire to save her. I want to hug her, to tell her I will listen. I've this savior syndrome with her. It's hard for me to think that she'll have some awakening by herself and realize that her issues are within her. She hasn't so far.

Much of what she complains about can be fixed without leaving. She can seek out new friends, she can make do with the weather like everyone here, she can live on her salary (average around here), her parents can come or invite her (they go on expensive 3-week holidays around the world twice a year), she can have a new attitude towards her job or seek another one here. It tells me, once again, that she hasn't changed one bit and is using the same old defense mechanisms that got her there (blame and flight). Part of me wants to tell her: "So, are you happier than you were before S?"

I also realize better that her outreach is not an attempt at R. Some may recall my baseball analogy for the WAS. They're a ball that's just been hit deep into the left field. They go up and up, looking like they'll never come down, but gravity still applies and they start to go down. Our role is to stay deep and wait for the ball to come within reach. See if it goes above the barrier or falls in our glove. Running towards the ball is useless. To me, this is the moment where the ball just passed its highest point and starts coming down. I need to stay put and let it come down.