Spouse going through MLC, need support

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Amy,
You need to understand that his crisis is not about YOU, but about HIM. It wouldn't have mattered if you were a beautiful model, have maids and butlers, etc., he would still run. His crisis is about his being stunted emotionally as a child/teenager and he needs to go back to that time and figure things out, face his issues, accept those things that he can't change and grow up.

If he had married someone else and/or remained single, the crisis would still have happened.

As for his comment about your perception of who he is and that it's not really him...he's telling you that he truly doesn't know who he is at the moment. He needs to find himself and he will do that, but it's going to take time. During the crisis, they will try on different "masks" and/or personalities to see which one fits the best. They are going to do things that are the exact opposite of the person you once knew, i.e., hence the mirror image comes into play. You will need to learn to accept him for who he is today because the man you knew is now in the mirror and will not return for a long time.

Bottom line, you didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him. Wish him well and pray for him. You can be there as a friend, but you can't and won't get him to listen to what you have to say. Why? Because he has to learn these things on his own in order to grow up. He needs to experience life, make his mistakes and learn from them. Just remember, the more you attempt to "reason" with him or try to "make" him see things, the more he's going to pull away and use those talks as a excuse as to why he left. Don't given him the justifications. N

o more relationship talks. When he contacts you, be friendly and upbeat and keep your discussions light. Only contact him in the case of emergencies.

The only thing you can do is make sure that your finances are in order, i.e., separate checking accounts, continue to monitor all expenditures, i.e., credit cards, etc. Listen to what he has to say and do not offer up advice and/or your opinions...unless he asks for them.

His journey has begun and now your journey has to. It's time to turn the focus on to you, what can you do to keep yourself busy? Do you have any hobbies or projects that you've not done in a while? Then make a list of what you would like to accomplish while his is on the Mother Ship. If there are things that you would like to improve on, then do them...but don't do them w/the idea of winning him back. Whatever changes you make, they must become permanent and not just as a tool to woo him. He will sense whether they are real or just a con.

MLC takes a very long time. The more you leave him alone, i.e., give him space, the more he will focus on himself and what he needs to do to get through the crisis. Dig deep for patience because you are going to need it. There is no way to predict the outcome of your marriage right now. Just remember, you do have control over your life and how you live it.

Take care.