Every single word you wrote feels like a magnifying glass into my soul and my situation.
I too feel like I'm back where I was at BD. Lost. Anxiety ridden. Angry. Hurt. Confused. Resentful. Humbled. Shaken. Disturbed. Broken. Above all - broken. Into 100,000 little pieces that I can't even find all of let alone begin to put back together.
And he? He has walked on. Has no care to even notice those pieces. I'm sure he has pieces he's picking up, too but man, I can't even find all of mine.
Shock doesn't even cover it does it?
I'm losing weight, too. Weight that I don't have to lose either. I feel like a shell walking around... smiling to people. Waving. Feeding the dog. Trying to engage with D7.
Our husbands, the ones who think they don't have the ability to hurt us and who therefore will probably not own up to it EVER. Who will probably not apologize let alone make amends, are hurting. Yes. I'm sure.
Frankly, that's not my focus. I'm still looking for all the pieces of me that are scattered all over the place.
The pain is so great I genuinely cannot believe I'm not bleeding all over the floor from some huge open wound. I keep looking but I'm definitely not bleeding. At least visibly.
Anyway, I'm here. I wish you and I lived closer together.
(((hugs))) my dear friend. That's all I can offer.
