New... hurt, confused, want to walk away...

[iffy]

Sadie, empathy is fine and most welcome. Don't you just hate the hot and cold stuff? It's so confusing and awful.

I read your newcomer post where you told your story. Your affair was about a year ago, right? It took me that long after my husband's affair just to get past wanting to kill him in his sleep. I don't know of course because I am not you and I'm not in your marriage, I would say he's hot and cold because he's still really angry but, no, he was that way before you had your affair. Now, he seems to be holding it over your head and causing you even more pain than he did before.

I know you feel guilty. But when do you plan to quit paying for what you did? You can't carry it around forever. At some point, he must move on to forgiveness and you must also forgive yourself or you'll just get nowhere, right?

In re the MLC, he had that stage when he boinked the woman at work 10 years ago. I don't think that's it. I think he has deep seated emotional problems and always has and I'm just not sure I want to keep on beating that dead horse now that my boys are grown and gone. I think I have a right to be happy in the last quarter of my life.

But weirdly enough, I do still love him. He is capable, intelligent and strong. I do admire him in many ways. I just get no love, you know? No tenderness. No support. No real honest affection.

Anyway.. gotta run to the marriage counselor... ugh.. I don't feel like going at all...