No worries edz, your struggling to process and deal with something thats clearly affected you and at the same time your being a good man and protecting your wifes privacy.

Its the kind of behaviour that is to be commended.

Trying not to cause you to give anything away that you dont want to i'm just going to ask a couple of yes / no questions to help me get a sense of how you feel about 'it'

Is it definitely true?
Is it definitely your wife?
Will she (or has she already) followed through?
Does it potentially cross a boundary for you on the possibility of M?
Has it already crossed that boundary?
Will it affect your ability to be in a non romantic friendship with your W?
Does it affect your relationship with your S?
Will it harm you financially in any way?

Or more simply - how do you feel about 'it'?

Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress