Mozza (8) + Links to success stories

[Mozza]

Thanks sandi2. It's really nice to have your feedback at this crucial moment for me.

Please do not have expectations! You are already wondering if she may be reconsidering D. You have to meet with her having no expectations.

Thanks for the reminder to have no expectations. I know it's best even though it's hard. I don't want to be crushed by bad news (any other reason?). You might have to remind me again...

For all you know, OM is moving to her country. I really doubt it, but you never know. I suspect her fantasy world is crumbling and she wants to go home to her parents.

You're most likely right: her fantasy world is crumbling. And yes, she wants to go to her parents, whom she just saw in December. Her reaction, every time she goes, is to want to see more of them, to move there. But yes, OM could very well be moving with her because he's from the neighboring country. In fact, it's almost like they're from the same country.

You need to write down questions to ask or things to talk about with her......like what are her intentions about the children! Did she not even mention them? How does she plan to finance this trip back, etc.

Her mention of the kids is that they almost never see her parents. It's implied that she wants to move with them over there. As for the move, her parents will pay. They're not filthy rich, but quite well-off and a few $10K is nothing for them when it comes to their only child. They paid for the move this time, including a complete set of appliances and furniture.

Anyway, it's a good idea to write some notes before you talk to her, b/c you'll probably be as nervous as a cat in a rocking chair factory.

Haha! I really like this idea. I will share my notes and questions here.

I'm sure she will ask about the D paperwork, so just tell her what they said. You don't have to express your desire about not having it done right now. Wait and see how she responds. She knows you don't want the D, so don't volunteer to tell her again. That was what I was trying to say in the last post.

All I can say is that "we don't have to do it right now, but she knows that and already told me. She's asking me: can we do it right now anyway? So in a way, I can't avoid telling her about my preferences.

And "if" she is having second thoughts about it, I have a feeling she may let you know when she meets up with you. But Mozza, don't get into a conversation with her before you have time to think about it.

Any tip on how I can have this written on my hands without her seeing it? Can anyone tell me what is the "arc of R" starting from there? I mean that if I can see that certain steps will happen later, it will help me to be patient at this moment where I see a small window of opportunity.

By the way, in the episode of This American Life about the marriage reconciliation, the WAW called her H after 1 year to ask about his impending wedding. She wishes him well, hiding the fact that she wants to R because she thinks it's too late. It's him who takes the initiative to say that he will call it off if she wants to R. That's how the R started.