Evening Jim. Funny enough I just read something on someone else's thread about self-justification and your post reminded me of this. The WAS has to believe that you are pretty awful in order to justify their own 'shocking' behaviour to themselves. So they convince themselves that you really are the pits....and tell you so. The alternative is to look within and not feel too happy with what they see....ouch, no thanks. We have to remember that their 'truth/narrative' about our sitches is totally different to ours.
I can see that the lack of warmth from your W must have hurt. You decided to send her the letter you wrote....and (whilst we all try not to have expectations) - did you maybe have some at some level, and that makes her response harder?
I think your response was fine. I don't think it helps to respond to cold with cold - but you don't want to tip into pursuit either, so the best way is pleasant, helpful, mention the kids, and that's about it.
It's not surprising you feel angry. Your W has been unfaithful, you've just dealt with the separation and she's being cold...it gets to you. Before Xmas I remember really struggling with the injustice of our sitch, and I had some helpful posts in response, which did make me feel better.
It isn't a 'fair' situation - but you'll get through it and grow as a result. The main thing with your anger is to release it in some way, but of course not in the direction of your W, which you know already.
You're doing really well Jim :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
