Strong EA after 2yrs M - trying to detach. #3

[Complex]

What is the intel you have (if you want to share it here)? That might help us understand the decision better.

If a vet's suggesting you might want to confront then I think you should consider that strongly. I can't remember what you said your green card situation was? If you think it might jeopardise that you might want to make a plan to wait until that's sorted out (can't remember how far in the future it was), or you know it will be sorted out, until confronting your wife.

Ok I need to clarify:
W has an EA, she told me about it at BD. But after that developed it strongly but lying to me that it affects her decision to S from me. Then called it quits so she can justify EA (M over, I'm free again).
She knows I know she and OM have been flirting heavily (snooping 2-3 weeks ago exposed). There was no outside of work contact, confirmed. She also attempted to go out with him for dinner but got turned down. She told me she 'loves' him and should've married him instead. (Tough one).

She does NOT know I read texts between her and her best friend. In which clearly comes out that she seeks to get together with OM, that he doesn't fully know how much in love she is with him but that she wants him to be her boyfriend and him to commit to her. And that people will need to know soon.


If you put it together then: she doesn't want to tell family just yet (it will definitely be a huge disaster). She didn't face ANY consequences so far (that worries me more and more). We are living in the limbo under one roof and each day is disrespectful towards me bc I can only guess what's going on.
Greencard I don't see an issue. She IS a good person and wouldn't do that to me...either way, unless I would freak out, which I won't. I gained some respect back for sure. No focus on GC please. I got this.

I still don't think its time for a "talk"..and I'd rather let her approach me. But the situation/limbo right now is complicated and tricky, on both sides. I don't know really what to do.
I don't want to put pressure on it, or intensify the stress or make W commit to a decision but with everyday passing by I get closer to wanting to clarify our situation (living, responsibilities, family, future planning). But like Starsky said, it'll change things...and I don't know if I'm ready to step up yet