Susana (2) - Learning to detach

[susana4]

So, it's time for a 2nd thread!

First thread here:
susana47 - Intro and 180 Questions

Recap...
12/3/2014 - Bomb dropped. Really did not see it coming, H seemed happy (and was physically affectionate/saying ILY consistently up until 5 seconds before BD when he burst out crying). H moved to sofa.
December 2014- did all the things you shouldn't do - begging, crying, pleading etc.
Christmas - we spent a week with my family outside the country, and had a rule (since they didn't know) that we would *not* have any R talks, and would 'act normal'. H acted like a completely different person - caring, hugging me a lot and cuddling me sometimes, sleeping in the same bed, (no ML but he did nearly kiss me one night but stopped himself).
Jan 2015 Spent several days after New Year's in pretty much complete silence (on my own, no phone etc.) on introspection and came to the conclusion that yes, I do want to fight for my M, because I don't want to look back and not regret giving it my all. And that at the end of the day, I want to be able to love, with no expectation in return. Around the same time, I discovered DB/DR (fortuitous!) and began implementing 180s on the 6th of Jan. Got rid of our MC who wasn't helpful, and got a DB coach.

So far, H seemed to be drawing back closer (was saying I looked beautiful, asking about my evening, even starting tickle fights on the sofa) and now seems to be pulling away again.

I am GAL-ing as much as possible (seeing friends loads more, having regular movie nights with one friend, coffee "dates" with another, going to free lectures at a local university, trying out meetup groups and meeting new people, and my latest thing is I'm thinking of trying belly dancing, I've always wondered but never had the guts to try out a class!). Have started dressing up more.

I'm trying to get into the mindset of detachment and keep asking myself 'Is this what I really want to do? If H were out of the picture, what would I do?" It's the hardest part for me, I'm used to considering what H would want (maybe too much). So...onwards and upwards and into my new challenge for February...detaching!